Conditioned vs Created

I sat across the table listening to my girlfriend explain why she was just not the right person for him. He was too lovey-dovey and affectionate, and she just was not. “This is just how I am. I am not an affectionate person. I can’t help it”

We all have our things, our ways, our likes and dislikes. Some people don’t like affection. Some people can’t say the words “I love you”. Some people have a hard time forgiving. We all have developed certain character traits and behaviors that we inherited from our upbringing, or that have been genetically passed down. Some of us are even a certain way due to a trauma we experienced in our life that forever changed the way we interact with people, or how we give and receive love.

I know I tend to be a worrisome person like my mom, or can be cold, closed off, and distant like my dad. Not the best traits to have but it’s genetic so not much I can do about it right? This is who I am.

But what if our behaviors and traits that we’ve picked up just aren’t healthy and conducive to our growth as individuals. What if our environment shaped us to be unlovable? unteachable? self-absorbed? Selfish, or emotionally detached.

We can become trapped in what we are used to and think our behavior is ok because it’s all we know. You hear people say things like “well this is just how I am I can’t help it”. Or “my mother/father is the same way that’s where I get it from.”

This excuse that we use to condone destructive behavior may be doing us more harm than good. It gives us permission and the comfortability to never want to change, because we believe that just because we’ve been conditioned this way that we have to accept it.

The world may have conditioned us but God created us.

Genesis tells us that we were created in “his likeness and his image”, and the idea is that we’re supposed to reflect his image in the world. We will never fully be like God obviously, but we do have the ability to reflect his character in how we interact and treat others. God created us in love to express love, and exhibit love. We were created to have patience, and be forgiving, but because we are conditioned by a fallen world we don’t exhibit God’s character.

We’ve all become too comfortable with our condition. We wear it, we claim it, we own it as if it is ours; As if God created us that way, and he didn’t. I think it’s important to recognize the traits that don’t serve us well, and hold us back from experiencing the fullness of God in our lives. Once I noticed how my being distant towards others made them feel I made a conscious decision to want to change, and I have to make that decision every day. It doesn’t happen overnight.

Our condition pushes people away, and stunts our growth. We were never meant to be unlovable, unaffectionate, hateful, or cold people. If you ever wonder why you find it hard to maintain healthy relationships, whether personally, or professionally, take a look at the image you are reflecting. Are you reflecting an image of brokenness, heartache, and dysfunction? Or of love, kindness, and forgiveness.

You can choose to change your condition. Every day that you wake up you have to decide not to let your condition hinder you from all that God has for you. You don’t have to own it, because He never gave it to you.

I encourage anyone reading this to evaluate your character and shine a light on what may be keeping you from walking in the true image God created you to be.

Don’t let your condition hinder what God created.